Boston United admit season ticket sales ‘not actually record breaking’


Boston United admit season ticket sales ‘not actually record breaking’

Boston United have been forced to admit that season ticket sales have not been progressing well for the first time today.

The revelation follows today’s sensational arrest of general manager John Blackwell who was caught fly-tipping near Frampton.

Policeman Nick Huggbluff confirmed a ‘high ranking club official’ had been arrested after officers spotted him dumping five thousand unwanted season ticket renewal documents inside a disused pill-box.

‘We take fly-tipping very seriously,’ Huggbluff said. ‘So if Jon Sotnick was thinking about disposing of Tattershall Road in Lincoln’s Brayford Pool, he’d better think again.’

Blackwell told impsTALK: ‘Where else was I supposed to dump the bloody things? The council had already told me that the stacks of forms posed a safety hazard. It’s not my fault we’ve sold two season tickets.’

In the face of poor sales Boston are considering a number of promotions to boost flagging season-ticket sales. Next week will see the launch of a ‘Free Boston Town player with every ticket’ promotion, but important Boston fan Bob Mugfret-Fishhead poured scorn the idea.

‘We’re going bankrupt and I want to kill myself,’ he said.

The stupidly-named Boston United fanzine.
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