Imps Hooligan Cell Goes Into Administration

Crisis-hit Lincoln City were facing another potential catastrophe last night after it emerged that their infamous hooligan firm, the Lincoln Transit Elite, have called in administrators having suffered heavy losses during the 2001/2002 financial year.

Fans around the county have reacted with sadness to the news, with a large number of Imps fans immediately launching a ‘Save Our Firm’ campaign in a last ditch bid to save the firm from liquidation or an asset-stripping takeover bid from Nottingham Forest’s Executive Crew.

LTE: ‘Ooof! Our organic revenue growth in the last quarter has been substantially below many analysts’ for- BIFF!’

A protest march is planned for next Saturday during a ‘Fans Re-United in Violence Day’, when supporters will march through Lincoln High Street before setting fire to Dixons and slashing each other with broken bottles of Smirnoff Ice.

His voice cracking with emotion, LTE chief ‘Fat Daz’ told impsTALK: “Without serious external investment I can’t see us staying active for much longer.

“We tried to maximise our revenue streams with the corporate LTE experience, offering lucrative business clients their own private box at Nottingham railway station for when we meet the lads from County – but it just hasn’t taken off.”

With the firm hemorrhaging money, administrators from Business Demise Services are now set to examine proposals to restructure the cell and implement a strict business plan to rescue the firm from liquidation.

Already, they have announced a ‘Sponsor a Knuckleduster!’ campaign, in which Lincoln City fans can have their name etched onto a teeth-crunching weapon for just £50.00 +VAT.

For £150 + VAT, fans also have the opportunity to have a plaque with their name and a dedication affixed to plastic patio furniture prior to it being hurled at riot police.

A spokesman for the Government-backed Supporters Die Wrecked, an organisation promoting greater supporter involvement in hooligan firms, appealed for a new backer to save the LTE from the official receivers.

“They’re a firm with great history, a world renowned heritage and a penchant for extreme violence,” he said. “The landscape of English football will be all the poorer, and less debris-strewn, if they go under.”

The stupidly-named Boston United fanzine.
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