Lincoln bid for Gumpchuster ‘out of question’ claim Knowsley United

Lincoln bid for Gumpchuster ‘out of question’ claim Knowsley United

Knowsley United have angrily denied reports that they are prepared to sell star striker Bobby Gumpchuster to Lincoln City, claiming that they no longer exist as a football team.

It was reported earlier today that Gumpchuster was prepared to pen an initial one-year contract at Sincil Bank, but Knowsley United chairman Alf Grimey, when questioned of the deal, insisted no talks had taken place between the two clubs, primarily because Knowsley folded in the mid 90s.

‘Eh? We went out of business years ago,’ Grimey told impsTALK this afternoon. ‘Gumpchuster, as far as I know, is bricklaying in Strathclyde and I’m now working for Claims Direct.’

‘Where there’s blame, there’s a claim,’ Grimey added.

Imps boss Keith Alexander has admitted he is interested in signing the striker. ‘We’ve heard good things about him from our scouts. He’s quick, he can score from practically anywhere on the pitch and that’s what we need right now,’ Alexander said.

It later emerged that Alexander’s interest was prompted by the discovery of a six-year old scouting report found behind a filing cabinet as his office was being cleared by bailiffs.

Lincoln chairman Rob Bradley said of the deal: ‘It would be a major boost for us to get Gumpchuster on board, but although I’ve tried to get in touch with Knowsley all I get is Pizza Express.’

Bobby Gumpchuster was not available for comment, although his wife did confirm he is still alive.

The stupidly-named Boston United fanzine.
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