Minute-by-Minute: Grimsby 3 v 2 Boston United

Follow all the action from the fish’n’chip derby – LIVE!

Saturday 5 August 2006

Grimsby Town 3
Bore 67
Rankin 71
Bore 79

Boston United 2
Green 16
Joachim 54

Grimsby: Barnes, McDermott, Whittle, Futcher, Newey, Rankin, Harkins, Bolland, Beagrie, Reddy (Bore 68), Jones
Subs: Barwick, Toner, Croft, Bore, North

Boston: Marriott, Canoville, Ellender, Albrighton, Ryan, Green, Greaves, Clarke, Galbraith (Farrell 77), Joachim, Tait
Subs: Kirby, Talbot, Holland, Stevens, Farrell

Referee: J Moss
Att: 5,012 (603 visitors)

Preamble – So, here we are. The Coca Cola League Two season starts he…zzzzzzzz. What do you mean you’re bored already? What is there not to enjoy about a summer trip to Cleethorpes? Aside from the football, of course. Ok, ok, so we’re all a little, well, fatigued. And it may take us a few matches to warm up. But don’t pretend you’re not bothered, you bloody well ARE, and that’s an order.

Ok, onto today’s game, and impsTALK’s experimental minute-by-minute match report. I’m not going to pretend I’m at the game, because I’m not. I’m sat with Radio Lincolnshire in one ear, Codhead PTV Rip-Off World (£350.00 per second) in the other, so don’t expect glorious, literary expositions on Anthony Elding’s new haircut. This is supposed to simply add a little extra perspective to Ken’s live updates to those 3 people who are bothered about this game, and live outside of the BBC’s reach. Or are at work.

Don’t forget to send your e-mails to the address above. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to make them up so it looks like you ARE sending some.

Three hours to go! – Look, I’ve added an exclamation mark to fully underline just how excited we all are that the new season is within spitting distance.

We have a team of codgers – Paul Raynor’s been blathering the usual nonsense on the official site. “It will be a difficult match, but we won’t be frightened of facing Grimsby. We have added that little bit of experience during the summer and we now have players onboard who know what it feels like to be at the top end of our division,” he witters. Experience, absolutely!

The big news today of course is that Evans is returning the scene of his crime several months ago. He’s been laughing off his ejection from Blundell Park, but will doubtless come in for a fair degree of good humoured and impossibly obscene abuse from the Main Stand.

Prediction time – Surely Boston can’t begin their season with a victory, and an AWAY victory at that. The opening day form books give little clue as to who holds the historical edge. Looking back at the previous four seasons in the Football League, we’ve not done terribly badly. Our last opening day win came courtesy of Lee Thompson, super-sub against Oxford.

02/03: 2-2 Bournemouth (h)
03/04: 0-0 Macclesfield (a)
04/05: 1-0 Oxford (h)
05/06: 0-2 Wrexham (a)

Grimsby have not won any of their previous four season openers, their last victory a 1-0 triumph against Crewe in 01/02:

02/03: 0-4 Norwich (a)
03/04: 2-2 Plymouth (a)
04/05: 0-1 Darlington (a)
05/06: 1-1 Oxford (h)

Shall we call it an entertaining 2-2 draw then?

Painful – ‘Live, local and lovin’ Lincolnshire!’ I can only ever think of one valid reason to endure BBC Radio Lincolnshire – the sport, and more specifically, the football. Silly me, I tuned in early thinking that they might have an extended sports show to cram in the packed season previews, but no, it’s Howard Pressman, and the Lighthouse Family, until two. He’s also giving away tickets to the woeful Tales of Robin Hood attraction in Nottingham. ‘I had a really good time when I went,’ he lies.

Gooooooaaaaal: The first goal of the new Coca-Cola League season was struck by Leon Barnett at Luton in today’s early kickoff, the drama summed up by the BBC’s text commentary: Inswinging corner from right by-line taken left-footed by Lewis Emanuel (Luton) to centre, headed goal by Leon Barnett (Luton) (bottom-left of goal) from centre of penalty area (12 yards).Luton 1-0 Leicester. Assist (cross) by Lewis Emanuel (Luton) from right by-line.

Boring fact of the day #1: It would cost BBC Radio Humberside £346 to provide match commentary of Grimsby’s Tuesday night away game at Wrexham, a cost they’re not willing to meet.

Down with the kids – BBC Radio Lincs makes a brief foray into playing music from the last 15 years as it emerges Lincoln City’s Paul Morgan is a Kasabian fan, prompting the station to waste two minutes by playing their latest rubbish single in its entirety. Eat your heart out Zane Lowe.

Heeeeeeeeere’s Evans – ‘I’ve had fifteen managers wishing me well,’ Evans daydreams pitchside with Scott Dalton, before revealing Paul Tait will start alongside Julian Joachim up front. Franny Green will start on the right, Galbraith on the left.

Evans again – Dalton points out where the emergency exits are, referring to Evans’ japes last time out at Grimsby, causing Evans to repeat his McDonald’s £2.99 joke. ‘Sorry but we need singing and dancing cheerleaders (female would be better), that would give us the pre-game hype’, says Mr Two Bob Worthless Supporter. Are you saying the Lighthouse Family don’t do it for you Mr Two Bob?

More predictions – Dalton reveals he opened a SkyBet account on the Sky digi-box this week, confirming impsTALK’s news of his sad decline. He plumps for a 1-1 today.

The teams – Grimsby: Barnes, McDermott, Whittle, Futcher, Newey, Rankin, Harkins, Bolland, Beagrie, Reddy, Jones
Subs: Barwick, Toner, Croft, Bore, North

Boston: Marriott, Canoville, Ellender, Albrighton, Ryan, Green, Greaves, Clarke, Galbraith, Joachim, Tait
Subs: Kirby, Talbot, Holland, Stevens, Farrell

Radio Ecky Thump – ‘New service looks good (I’ve briefly diverted away from searching for ‘thongs’ on You Tube),’ says Ghost of Bob Cumming. ‘You forgot to time how long it took Evans to mention the Imps. Of course, Schoey may have made mention of the Pilgrims also, but who could really say (thought my internet connection had briefly diverted to Radio Ecky Thump).’

Worrying Development – And there was me thinking the Lighthouse Family were universally acclaimed. ‘No i do not listen to that rubbish…… give me Erasure any day,’ says Mr Two Bob Worthless Supporter. Five minutes to kick-off!

Kick off! – Boston United kick off their fifth season as a Football League club!

1 min – Paul Tait has a long range effort. It doesn’t trouble the keeper.

3 min – CHANCE! Tait, again!, sees his headed effort deflect off the post and roll across the face of the goal! What an opening few minutes for Boston. Let off for Grimsby.

5 min – Tim Ryan heads Reddy’s effort from the line as Grimsby come back at the Pilgrims. It’s been a very bright opening few minutes so far, both teams attacking with pace. There’s probably been more football played in the last five minutes than the whole of 05/06.

7 min – ‘So, Boston are going to play a passing game this year,’ Dalton says to co-commentator Simon Rusk. ‘Er, ahh, er, ahem…’ stumbles Rusky hesitatingly, inadvertently debunking the sexy-football myth.

9 min – Another close call for Boston! Greaves goes close this time with a header. Rusky thinks it went in. Boston are really having a go.

9 min – Lincoln 1-0 Notts County.

15 min – Things have slowed down a little, as the goals fly in around the country. Will Boston end up regretting not taking one of those early chances? Chester have taken the lead against Accrington.

16 min – GOAL! Franny Green times his run to perfection to collect a long ball over the top from Tait – who is man-of-the match so far – is left one-on-one with Barnes and makes no mistake to put the Pilgrims 1-0 up!

18 minOOOH! Another long ball causing all kinds of problems for the Grimsby back line, this time Joachim just loses out the chase to Barnes. What’s going on? Boston are dominating. This isn’t what we’ve come to expect from away performances in the last four years. Long may it continue.

21 min – An excited Mr Two Bob Worthless Supporter triumphantly chants: ‘GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL’.

25 min – Reddy appeals for a penalty after being bundled over in the box by Tim Ryan. The Grimsby lot have finally started to make some noise. Mr Two Bob Worthless Supporter really IS excited: ‘We’re going to win the league, we’re going to win the league. Are you watching Mr Sotnick?’ he sings. Darlington are winning, mind.

27 min – Hortin and Rusky have spotted an elderly lady wearing a thick woolen jumper in the hot conditions. ‘I’m from Scotland so this is like Barbados to me,’ Rusk says. Not much is happening on the pitch.

29 min – Greaves booked for a heavy challenge on Whittle. ‘You’re a bloody animal!’ one particularly loud Grimsby fan can be overheard screaming over the airwaves.

33 min – Reddy bursts through, is taken out by Canoville who is…..booked. Phew! It seemed like he might have been last man, lucky boy. The Grimsby fans certainly think he should have been dismissed. Pah.

38 min – Grimsby are keeping hold of the ball well now, making Boston chase them around in midfield, looking for that killer over-the-top ball to the transfer-listed, but pacy, Reddy. Careful lads, have you seen how old our boys are? Be nice. Posh have just gone three up.

41 min – Galbraith, who looked like a spider on drugs last year, wins Boston a free kick deep in the Grimsby half, and has looked much fitter. Green has a shot saved by Barnes as Boston try to defend their lead up to half-time. Darlington are also three up against Macclesfield. Boston play both Darlo and Posh next week!

44 min – Rusk explains he will be back training in two to three weeks after his knee injury. Half-time looms. Boston have been excellent so far.

HALF-TIME – Grimsby 0, Boston 1 The Pilgrims lead courtesy of Green’s excellent goal on sixteen minutes. Boston could easily be two or three goals ahead already (at the Evans exchange rate, that’s eight or nine). Grimsby will be disappointed at how shaky their defence has been, Futcher showing just why Evans ditched him last season. Tait has been the difference – but will he last the 90 minutes?

Evans-watch – Disappointingly, Evans opted to sit next to Gee in the stand rather than face the humiliation of returning to the dugout he was turfed out of last time out. His place has been taken by a trainee physio, a young lady who caught Michael Hortin’s eye. The shame!

BOO! – Boston trot out to a chorus of boos from the home-side. The Pilgrims are wearing their Portugal strip today. Right, I’m just sweeping away the cake crumbs. Where were we? Ah yes, the new football season. No subs. Evans is back in the stand. Get in that dugout, that’s what the fans have paid their money to see!

Kick-off – We’re underway. Dalton estimates 600-700 Boston fans have made the trip, which is slightly disappointing.

46 min – I’d expect Grimsby to come out all guns blazing and put Boston under real pressure, but the Pilgrims have the early possession. ‘This site’s great,‘ mumbles Mr Two Bob Worthless Supporter. ‘It means i can nip in and catch the updates whilst trimming the other half’s bu-‘ er, ok, we’ve had enough of that I think. This is a family website.

51 min – Oooh! Green tries an acrobatic overhead kick, and it ain’t far wide. Where’s the Grimsby fightback? They’re making things easy for Boston at the moment.

54 min – Lincoln City 1 – 1 Notts County. Ian Ross levels for the Magpies.

54 min – OOOH! Reddy makes Marriot pull off a great stop to deny the home side an equaliser, he tips it round the post for a Grimsby corner. But Boston break…..

54 min – GOAAAL! Boston are TWO up! Great cross from Galbraith, another killer pass from Tait, and Joachim bags his first of the season!

60 min – What on earth is going on?

62 min – Grimsby now trail by two goals, Boston will need to guard against complacency and tiredness. Especially since they’re all 150 years old. Expect subs sooner rather than later.

64 min – 5,012 at Blundell park today, with 603 from Boston.

67 min – Marriott’s save from Reddy was crucial. After a shaky pre-season, have we finally found our man to replace Bastock? Sub for Grimsby, Reddy off for Bore. Reddy isn’t booed, despite his transfer request.

67 min – GOAL! Peter Bore scores with his first touch after replacing Reddy, the ball driven across the face of the goal by Rankin and the sub was there to stab it home. Grimsby were going nowhere fast, but now we have a game in prospect!

69 min – Boston under real pressure now for the first time in the game. A real test of the new defence now, as the Grimsby fans start urging their lot forward.

71 min – GOAL! Rankin bags Grimsby’s equaliser, a dreadfully soft goal to concede. A long ball punted forward just wasn’t dealt with and Rankin, out of nowhere, brings his side back into the driving seat. Evans is now down at the dugout!

75 min – Boston are now clinging on for the draw. It’s all Grimsby now. Rankin just hit the post. This is more like the Boston we know, doom, gloom etc etc.

77 min – Boston sub, Galbraith, who’s had a good game, makes way for Farrell.

79 min – GOAL! Peter Bore scores his second, Boston have collapsed in spectacular style! That’s what you get with 900-year old players I suspect. Can Boston REALLY come back to salvage a point? Not likely without another urgent sub.

80 min – Ten minutes to go and, as entertaining as this game has been, Boston fans will be choking on their cod’n’chips. Where did it all go wrong? Grimsby are still searching for more goals, this is desperately disappointing stuff. But fun.

85 min – Chance! Grimsby had a great chance to finish the game, Rankin again forces Marriott to make a decent stop. Boston survive, just!

88 min‘That’s it, I am ripping up my ticket and off to MacD’s with Stevie,’ says a disappointed Mr Two Bit. Grimsby are playing keep-ball, to the cries of ‘Ole!’ from the home fans.

89 min – Some Pilgrims fans have had enough and start leaving, probably as bewildered as everyone else as to how Boston threw this away. Two minutes of stoppage time.

90+1 min – Rankin booked as Boston have a free kick. The Pilgrims have just seconds to salvage this.

PEEP PEEP PEEEEEEP! – Final score Grimsby 3, Boston 2
That’s it, it’s all over. To be honest, would Boston have been better off just losing in a dire 1-0? This is a very psychologically damaging defeat, make no mistake, and it’s absolutely critical Evans gets the players up for Wednesday night. Gutted.

Final reflections – To play so well, and throw it all away late on with a mad fifteen minutes, is untypical of Boston, who usually play poorly for ninety and throw it away right from the start. Was age a factor here? Was it tactics? Did Evans forget to shut up shop? As with Wrexham last year, the new season begins with a defeat, and although there were encouraging signs today of Boston’s potential, really good teams do not suffer from catastrophic collapses like this fiasco. The focus will be on the United defence now, with the new players under particular scrutiny. Back to the drawing board for Wednesday. Thanks for your e-mails.


The stupidly-named Boston United fanzine.
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