DJ Sotnixx Outlines Stadium Transport Plan
Club unveil ‘Cape Canoville’
Chairman spins some shit-hoops to the masses
Sinister media slut Jon Sotnick today outlined his ambitious plans to ferry fans to Boston United’s new multi-million Sotnick Mega-Dome near Lincoln.
With the ground located such a huge distance from the town centre, the Pilgrims have revealed they are to employ an innovative new approach to transport in order to bypass Sleaford Road, the badly rutted dirt-track leading out to Boardsides.
Speaking on Radio Lincolnshire today, Sotnick told listeners that powerhouse full-back Lee Canoville will be hoofing FANS from Market Place to the ground.
“Our play-off chasing team may well have deployed an ugly and generally unproductive long-ball style this year,” Sotnick conceded. “Yet no-one has stopped to question why we’ve been training Lee to kick the ball as far as he can. Certain uninformed individuals, like fans, have little clue as to what my little Scottish munchkin’s been up to in terms of developing an integrated transport system for the entire community.”
Once the new ground is completed, fans will queue at ‘Cape Canoville’, a launch-pad located in Market Place, where they will bend over and await launch. Canoville will then hoof each fan to the Jon Sotnick Lava-Mega-Arena Bowl(TM) at supersonic speed.
The true purpose of the Sotnick-Mega-Dome’s mast – upon which a huge net will be attached – is now clear.
“We need a new ground,” Sotnick told listeners.“And by feck we’re going to get one.”
Shortly after the BBC breakfast show, DJ Sotnixx took over the Lincolnshire airwaves for two solid hours, playing new shit from People Under the Stairs and spinning vintage lo-fi slapdool from Beck’s Stereopathetic Soul Manure.