2008/2009 Season Review: Duncan Browne

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Boston Standard hack Duncan ‘Rich Havana’ Browne, chairman of the Lisa Rashid Fan Club, is a busy man. But he was still able to spare a few minutes of his time answering impsTALK’s CRAZY end of season questions…..


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Kendal Sodding Town

Let’s kick off by patronising one of the two-bob poxy village outfits we’ve visited this season by asking you where our Brave Lads battled against the slope with the most severe gradient this season?
Shall we patronise Kendal? We could start by saying their ground looked half falling apart and half completed, we could mention the stadium’s sponsored by a radio station which didn’t even cover or attend the game and we could laugh at the fact they didn’t have a roof on the gents’ toilets (and it was raining). But on the flip side, possibly not having a budget large enough to employ Gary King could be seen as a blessing in the UniBond Premier and Kendal fans do have a few things going for them – their club president is Sir Tom Finney and their fans were treated to an end-of-season friendly against Ole Gunnnar Solskjaer’s Manchester United Reserves team, as if a stunning final day leap into the play-offs wasn’t exciting enough. Plus they live in the most beautiful part of the country and are far away enough not to be troubled by swine flu! Poor little Kendal, finishing a meagre eleven places ahead of us in the campaign, ah bless.

Where did 2008/2009 rank on your Worst Ever Season list?
It was worse than the worst season imaginable, full of abject disappointment and what my idea of what eternal damnation would feel like – but I did win a tenner on a scratch card I bought at Frickley so it wasn’t all that bad. Besides, at least our chairman didn’t make a Football-League-in-five-years-I-promise promise before finishing seventh. BPA must now win four straight promotions in four years, mid credit crunch and Swine Flu pandemic. Good luck with that!

Alas, there was no trip to Tebay Services this year, so where was your favourite stop-off for some preposterously expensive grub?
Every one knows that would be the OK Diner on the A1 near Newark! It’s more than OK, it’s cholesterol heaven. Although, in these days of swine flu, I’d be wary of the pork chops.

Who was Boston United’s third best player this season?
Paul Ellender was the Player of the Season for me without a doubt, simply because of the way he returned and passed a note around to his team-mates saying ‘we could try not to get relegated’ or something similar. But he wasn’t on our books so is ruled out of the reckoning by default! Wes Parker and Ryan Clarke – after they swapped positions half way through the campaign – both became instrumental to our fine 16th-place finish while Adam Milson and Aaron Butcher remained consistent throughout. To answer your question, I don’t really care… as long as all the good players are given free paper masks to avoid this swine flu and are healthy to return next season.

Pilgrims fans returned from Kendal convinced Boston United were going down. Many started eyeing up clubs in the division below, and reacted with horror at the thought of Boston lining up on equal terms with some hamlet like Grantham. Which lower-NPL side was it that filled you with the most dread?
Quorn! Although vegetarian meat may be a safe bet in these swine-flu-infested times.

Apart from Boston itself, in which town did you fear for your physical safety the most?
On the days when BBC Radio Lincolnshire’s Sony Bronze-winning Scott Dalton drove to matches I feared from start to finish. But Ossett was possibly the closest I came to losing my life, or at least an eye, when four absolutely-mullered lads attempted to play pool around me (it was 1pm, when did they start drinking?) before falling out with a mid-50s woman about her massive leg tattoo. But these days I’m more fearful of this new pig death pandemic and have stockpiled three years’ worth of Asda chunky chicken in my home in case this all turns out a bit 28 Days Later-ish.

Let’s get controversial. Should Steve Welsh be trusted to lead the Pilgrims into 2009/2010?
Will any of us be here next season? What with all this swine flu (pink death) flying around?

If you had a choice between staying in the Northern Premier League or moving south, would you stay put? Although just to be clear, you’re not important enough to make this kind of decision
Tommy Taylor knew the Southern League well and spent big on building the kind of side that he believed would have massive success in that division. So just as we’ve spent the summer dismantling that team and building up a side of cloggers ready to kick and be kicked in the Northern Prem, expect us to be moved across unceremoniously and come unstuck yet again. Can we wait and see where swine flu is at its most horrific and prominent before making that judgement please?

Who will be next season’s Adam Millson?
Adam Millson, unless those crutches mean he’s unable to outsprint the swine flu pandemic.

Swine flu: end of the world, or embarrassing hysteria for which Sky News and Twitter are largely culpable?
Hysteria. It really grates when people keep going on about it.

Follow Trail of Dead on Twitter @TrailOfDebt. All content and tweets by Pete Brooksbank (@petebrooksbank)
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